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I had a friend once who was getting married. Everything seemed all right until he started to complain about different things within the relationship. He was in an interracial relationship. I listened earnestly to his problems with his relationship, but one thing bothered me.

Most of the problems had to do with race.

He would tell me that her parents really did not approve of their relationship and that he was unhappy with that. I asked him on several occasions why he was still in the relationship if her parents made him that unhappy. He gave me the simple answer that he loved her. But does that mean the sacrifice of his happiness? To me, that sounds like he was just with her because he felt obligated, not because he loved her.

I am not against love at all. I truly feel that love has no color, but I do believe that you do choose who to love. Everyone has certain things that they are attracted to in a mate, and that initial attraction is what prompts one to continue on in a longer relationship. So I do not buy this crap about “you cannot help who you fall in love with.” In my opinion, that is bull. You choose who you date, therefore you choose who you fall in love with. Because this is true, why would someone choose to be in a relationship with someone when he or she knows there will be unwanted stress within that relationship?

In the United States, you are able to date/marry anyone you want, but please don’t act shocked if you are black and you date a white person and his or her parents don’t like you. I personally have not seen a case yet in an interracial relationship where there was not some sort of conflict about someone’s race. Racism, unfortunately, is still a part of our lives in this country. Because interracial dating causes such turmoil among families, why would anyone choose to put him or herself through that drama?

If you decide for yourself that dating outside of your race would be beneficial for your life, I won’t stop you. But please understand the backlash you and your family will go through as a result of your choice. A relationship is hard enough as it is — why clutter it with an added problem of race?

In a country where racism still exists and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon, I have a hard time understanding why some people choose to be in a relationship when they know extra hardship is an almost guarantee. When choosing a mate to be with for the rest of your life, it is important for us to choose someone who we can be completely happy with, no matter what. I am not saying dating outside your race is immoral, but life is hard enough. Why complicate it any further?

Teddy Harris is a communication studies major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at teharris@kent.edu.

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